October 8th, 2OO9 .

My Friday this week is me staying home listening to some depressing ass music & eating apples with peanut butter, a little bit of soda, & blogging. Bt , heres were the sadness,anger & all that kicks in .

Let me just mention, Iam EXTREMELY disappointed in myself. I thought I was doing good in my school work & It turns out opposite. Yeah, its just HALF the first marking period. & that, is what scares me. Its just the beginning & Iam "flunking"? It makes me think about my future & everything all together. I feel Iam to young to be all rushed & whatnot. Whatever, today I had some dude come into my school & tell us how he was an ex-convict of eight years & a big time drug user & dealer. It made me cry a little. He saw his best friend die in front of him cause' they shot him three times in the chest. His other friend, also died in front of him. His brain was all over the place. The thing that touched me the most was that he was on the phone with his father & told him he was locked up AGAIN & heard his father collapse to the floor. When he said that, he broke down and cried. He told us that he felt nothing after knowing he killed his father. He said it was the worse feeling in the world. The worse thing that can happen to him. He said his mother picked up the phone, said she hated him, and he should just die. All that was going through his mind was committing suicide. I felt so bad for him. At the end of the whole speech, he read us a poem. A TRUE story. A thing that touched everybody, even the biggest "Macho Man" of the school. Just thought I should share it, so I looked it up & well, here it is.

Jenny was so happy about the house they had found
For once in her life it was the right side of town
She unpacked her things with such great ease
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze

How wonderful it was to have her own room
School would be starting, she’d have friends over soon
There’d be sleepovers and parties; she was so happy
It’s just the way she wanted life to be

On the first day of school, everything went great
She made new friends and even got a date
She thought, “I want to be popular and I’m going to be.
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!”

To be known in this school you had to have a clout
And dating this guy would sure help her out
There was only on problem stopping her fate
Her parents had said she was too young to date

“Well I just won’t tell them the entire truth
They won’t know the difference: what’s there to lose?”
Jenny asked her parents to stay with her friends that night
Her parents frowned but said “all right.”

Excited, she got ready for the big event
But as she rushed around like she had no sense
She began to feel guilty about all the lies
But what’s a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?

Well the pizza was good and the party was great
But the moonlight ride would have to wait
For Jeff was drunk by this time
But he kissed her and said he was just fine

Then the room filled with smoke and Jeff took a puff
Jenny couldn’t believe he was smoking that stuff
Now Jeff was ready to ride to The Point
But only after he’d had another joint

They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride
Not thinking that Jeff was too drunk to drive
They finally made it to The Point at last
And Jeff started to make a pass

A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by pass I don’t mean playing football)
“Perhaps my parents were right… maybe I am too young”
“Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb”

With all of her might she pushed him away
“Please take me home… I don’t want to stay”
Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast

AS Jeff drove in a fit of wild anger
Jenny knew that her life was in danger
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down
But he just sped up as they neared the town

“Just let me get home! I’ll confess that I lied.
I just went out for a moonlight ride.”
Then all of a sudden they saw a great flash
“Oh, God please help us! We’re going to crash!

She doesn’t remember the force of the impact
Just that everything all of a sudden went black
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble
And heard, “Someone call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!”

The voices she heard… a few words at best
But she new there were two cars involved in the wreck
Then if the other people in the car were alive
She hoped in her heart the person would survive

She awoke in a hospital to faces so sad
“You’ve been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad.”
These voices echoed inside her head
As they gently told her that Jeff was dead

They said, “Jenny, we’ve done all that we can do
But it looks as if we’ll lose you too.”
“But the people in the other car.” Jenny cried.
I’m sorry Jenny, they also died.

Jenny prayed, “ God, forgive me for what I have done.
I only wanted to have one night of fun.”
Tell that person’s family that I made their lives dim.
And that I wish I could return their families to them.”


“Tell mom and dad I’m sorry I lied
And it’s my fault so many have died.”
“Oh, nurse, won’t you please tell that to them.”
The nurse just stood there… she never agreed.

She took Jenny’s hand with tears in her eyes
And a few moments later jenny died
A man asked the nurse, “why didn’t you do your best
To bid that poor girl her one last request

She looked at the man with eyes oh so sad
“Because the other people in the car were her mom and dad.”
This story is sad, unpleasant, yet true
So young people take head… it could have been you

If that doesn't give you some sort of feeling, I wonder what would ....

The life of NBHS

I already started highschool & its NOTHING like Degrassi. LOL. Its tough tryna get around. Bt I like it. I feel older, more mature, & apart from everything, better. I have been lost & I know it. Truth is, I have had so mant tests so I wake up early to go run @ the park so that for softball tryouts, iam fit. After the park, I'll go to a friends house so I can do homework & study. Iam tryna stay very focussed. Iam trying to do something with my time. So many people have told me that I should do more than good for freshman year so I don't start out bad. I've met so many people & I love it. My mom let's me go out more, bt I don't cus I try to stay on my "grind" & stay on top of my stuff. Instead of going out, I have people come to my house & we all just watch movies or whatever we feel like doing. I think I am done for the most part.

so far, so GREAT.

So. I got good news that my uncle\dad has been sober for a while . I mean how great is that? I start high school on Tuesday. My week has gone very swiftly. I've been talkinbg to my old friend cus she needs me since her mom & dad have been arguing constantly. As for me ? I've been great. Nothing major has happened. Iam gonna go to a party tonight since its my last weekend. I feel as if Iam going to get more freedom& more people might start taking me more serious. Hmm, I had the best bk breakfast ever today. I think that's all. :]

quicky.

Dream no small dreams for they have NO power to move the hearts of me.

& with that said, iam going to bed.

Who's gon` run this town tonight ?

i am SO tired of holding back anything to say. I have so much to say and so much on my mind. Boy I can't wait for school to start to get out the house. I feel trapped for some odd reason. I just want to "escape" from whatever I am being trapped from. I can't keep holding in feelings anymore cause soon I'm just going to end up BLOWING up. I have a lot of things I'd like to tell a few people. I think I'm just going to go out & scream FCUK the world. Like Rihanna said, " lifes a game but its not fair I break the rules so I don't care. So I keep doing my own thing walking tall against the rain. Victorys within the mile, almost there don't give up now." sheesh!

Mami Jaslyn?

Ohk, I went to Upstate NY & when I came back I decided to bring my niece back with us. I don't regret it but its annoying that my mom doesn't do anything. I guess its my fault. She did tell me I was going to take full responsibility. I feel like a mother. I wake up at 6am everyday. I love my niece, but I am so glad that her dads mother is picking her up for the day. Also, my sister has a new job & starts the 31st meaninng she's picking up Amaya earlier than expected. My room has been a huge mess cause I haven't had time to clean or pretty much do anything cause I'm so occupied taking care of my niece. This summer has been such a BLAH. O_o

1O wonders.

Just wondering, but is it fair that :

1-I'm the only one who can't go out ?
2-I'm the only one who hears all the drama & thoughts that everyone else has?
3-I'm fourteen, and my fourty-something year old mom goes out more than I do?
4-I feel like crying ever freaking day cause something different happens?
5-I don't know what to do anymore?
6-I don't know WHO to turn to?
7-Nobody hears ME out?
8-I feel very misunderstood?
9-I feel alone?
1O-I feel this way?

SERIOUSLY : tell me what YOU think.

How I feel - like a piece of gum that has been on the floor for 1521451 years & 54515641024165156463's of people have stepped on.

Why- Who knows. Maybe, cause thats how people just treat me.

Who's the blame - MANY people[s].

Drop some comments, let me know what's on your mind & why you feel crappy, maybe we can talk & have something in common.

--JUSTjaslyn♥

I just want to go back when smiling
wasn't a disguise so people can't see
me sad, but to see I just really am

happy.

lalala

I haven't blogged in a long long time. So sorry. But let me fill you in. Since the summer started, nothing major has happened. I got a little job that keeps me a bit occupied. I only go twice but July 27th I go 5 days a week. Duh, I don't get paid considering its volunteer crap that my friend signed me up for. Um, about the "love life" : I saw some cute kid the other day and I don't know him. But today, I was walking with a friend, and he came and talked 2 my friend. Turns out their like best friends. So me and him were talking and he thinks I'm cute! Woot woot. Lol. But yeah. I'll let you all know how that turns out.

Snitches Get Stitches.

My sister tried to snitch on me bcus on my away message I had a piece of a song . So of course, she called my mom. And my mom wanted me to come home at that moment. The song was Don't fight the feeling. & since my sister doesn't listen to Day 26, she thought I was having SEX . Funny girl. So I called her, & called her a retarded bixch :] When I came home, my mom talked to me &I was lke no mom I'm not having sex. And my mom believed me cus I AM/WAS telling the truth. I'm done with my sister & brother [Alex). They're just hypocrites. I never told about things I've seen on my sisters phone. Or things shes made me do for her. SO she should get her fat ass up , get a job to support her daughter & stop depending on my sister-in-law. I think Victor made a HUGE mistake on moving over there. He could have been fine here with me. Buh I guess not -.- Now I feel extremely alone. It was really him that always made me feel better cus he went through the same shxt I've been going through. I just hope things turn out different considering I'm turning 15 :-X At the same time, I want to be 15 already, and then I just want to enjoy my childhood cus I'm only 14 once. Buh anywayyyy. I've been controlling my bi-polarness & attitude-ness. I don't talk back to my mom. I do things with out her repeating herself, or even asking me. Sometimes I feel lke I'm just so sick of holding everything back. I was crying the other night cus I miss my poppa. BUH it's his choice to not talk to me or anyone else in the family. The letter I wrote, I ended up burning it cus I didn't really feel lke wasting time. Or at least, waste his time. I doubt he would have red it anyway. Uhm , as for school - Lets hope I'm class of Oh9 ! :D Uhm , well I think thats all for now . ♥

p.s -- FOUR2O is gay !

whats the point of that ? HONESTLY.

Random.

Ohk. SO I haven't been on in a while. I'm not going to lie, I haven't written in a while. Lol. Well to begin , I'm passing history FINALLY ! with a 78 , almost an 8O. I'm happy cus I know I can SOO bring that up. I'm passing math cus I'm good in it. Lol. Uhm , language, my teacher LOVES ME, so I hope I pass. His fatass better pass me :] Lol. Science, EASY. :D Point blank is -- I'M GRADUATING ON STAGE. Uhmmmm , I think my sister's coming over soon. So ima see my fatass niece. FINALLY. I miss Iris the most of everyone I miss . I also miss my tia & tio . I was massively depressed the other day cus I miss my daddy. But I guess things happen for a reason . I hate the fact that every one tells me " one day he's going to come back to you , and you're not going to be there" . ACTUALLY, I am going to be there. After all its my dad. & I know its wrong what he's doing, but Idk , I miss him a lot. More than I thought I would ever. Thinking about times we were together & stuff , it sucks. Sometimes I feel I should have taken advantage when I actually had him . But then , I think I did everything right. I know I'm not the cause why he doesn't want to talk to me. Its all him.

But anyway, I'm cutting my hair for sure soon. & I might get highlights. DON'T WORRY * my mom's not doing them & Iris isn't cutting it . LOL. It's going to a professional.

Lol. Anywho, I'm out. Goodnight Peace&♥

hello (:

Hello (: Lonq time no bloq. Well to beqin with, I'm passinq every sinqle class ! Amazinq, I know. Lol. My qrandma came to Jersey, and now she's livinq with me. My freedom isn't qonna be the same, but whatever, I'll enjoy her while I have her. As for thinqs at home, they're okay. Can't complain . I do complain that I miss my sisters ( cousins ] a lot. Uhm, there is nothinq that is really new. Everythinq has been the same. My brother bouqht me a new computer and now is when I'm usinq it. Well, since I haven't bloqqed in such a lonq time, I thouqht now was a qood moment, but I'm done. tOOdles ♥